Searching

Examination

Always looking for something

Sequencing events

 

Following functions

Trying, trying all the time

To find the order

 

Age and grow older

There is no escape, we are

Woven Fate’s skein

 

Spinning on the wheel

Each and every thread, a line

Spun in the shadows

 

Soiled in the sunlight

Unravelling like poor cloth

And secretive truths

 

Trackless as the sea

The inscrutable Brachma

Intraversable

 

Each tear, an Atman

Like the dew on Maya’s face

Sweet as her sorrow

Burned

I stood on the edge of a great mountain
I bathed in streams of snowmelt, cold and clear
My lungs like a bellows, pumping my heart
I lived in a world of little oxygen
I contemplated deep philosophies
There were no mysteries to challenge me
I spoke to God, and god spoke back to me
The divine word, resounding in the light
I looked down on the people with despair
I despised them, the unworthy masses

I cut my leg on a sharp stone, and fell
A pathogen set in, and I grew ill
My wound became discolored, infected
It crawled up my veins in jagged red streaks
I needed antibiotics. doctors
Despite my constitution, I would die
I was afraid for my life, mortified
By the ease with which I was struck down
I lost the mastery of my ego
My self-satisfaction turned to loathing

I was afraid, now, of death and darkness
Fever and pneumonia nearly took me
My powerful lungs, turned to feeble sacks
My muscles became flaccid, I was lost
I lived in a wheelchair, I could not work
I had no skills, I became dependent
I stewed in contempt, bewailing my fate
My lost holiness, my former station
I waited for the god I once walked with
To lift me from this world, to transform me

I became obsequious and grateful
For the few coins that were dropped in my cup
For the small sum of funds given to me
Deposited each month in my mailbox
I discovered the vice of alcohol
I measured a new form of endurance
How many days and nights could I stay drunk
I lost the bet, and died in an alley
I fell from my wheelchair with the garbage
Face down in my filth and my excrement

My spirit rose, lifting from the valley
I saw my mountain tall and forbidding
I cringed as I ascended, fearing God
Soiled as I was, and miserable
Broken as I was, unwashed, unshriven
I rose past the cold peak of my mountain
Rising higher than I had ever dreamed
The bright sun touched me with its tongues of fire
I was burned…burned alive, I was burned clean
By the brilliance of the spirit, love

Tiresias in the Cave

My vision is gone, I am vacant and listless
Groping for meaning

A lie in the dark, this life is moribund is cold
I did not seek it

A false certainty, piercing the veil of confusion
Fall into shadow

Catatonia, sleeping once again, lids closed
Dancing with faeries

In a ring of mushrooms, their soft spongy bed
In the wet loamy earth

My heart winding down the beat slows with each measure
Alive and dying

Sink beneath the earth in my soaked and bloated flesh
A shroud for my bones

My marrow, feeds the flowers to Hecate is singing
A lullaby

The meadow is on fire and Persephone is laughing
She slips into the way

The hot blood returns with the demon, my blind genius
Boiled in tears

I am flush for life, for the embrace of the world
And lusting for it

With a mouth full of ashes, spite and bitumen

Divided Heart

There is a shadow on my heart
I turn from the light, set behind me, out of sight
And stalk my shadow

The sun is a candle brightly burning
Like the truth, I turned my back on it, lamenting
The loss of my desire

Dark as the ocean on a clouded night
The starless sky, the waves retreat, crashing passions
Drowning in the tide

Listen for the music of revelation
Find the echo of uncertainty, doubt becomes a new creation
New fruit on the old vine

There is division in my heart, sorrow
The loss of self, trying on new lovers like old clothes
Set them aside in rejection

The entire sum of human misery
Is nothing in the light, while I lie down in stagnant pools
In the shadow of desire

My heart is as broken as my mind
There is a hammer tearing at my foundations, I am no-where
Drifting and alone

My days are filled with sadness, I cling to it
Bobbing in the water, treading blindly, seized in the current
Going down and under

But the waves themselves are made of light
Light I cannot see, light that is washing me, light beyond the veil
Carry me toward completion

Nightmare II

Irrational fears
These questions are mysteries
Simple, frightening

Nightmares of folly
Incapacitating dreams
I cannot see through

The deep dark unknown
Making monsters from shadows
Outside the window

Tapping, tap tapping
The bogey man in hiding
Lurking with his axe

A hungry spirit
A child’s feet step lightly down
On the bedroom floor

Bladder full, hurting
Froze in fear when the boards creak
He comes to eat me

Questions, in the night
Has my time come, will I die
Afraid, paralyzed

Scared and scarred by myths
Children choking on madness
Suffocation, dread

Broken Hearted

The failure of beauty

Gaze at the jagged surface

The faded mirror

 

Pale as death, ruined

Capture the ragged image

In the mirrored shard

 

The broken heart flows

Seeping over silvered glass

Clotting in shadows

 

I will not cry out

I will not abandon hope

Cling to broken flesh

 

There is no exit

My dreams, they will devour me

Love’s dedication

 

Pierced in the deep gloom

Rising with gleeful spirits

The ghosts I sleep with

 

The starless abyss

The futility of love

I will not shun it

 

Loving honors me

The gift of noble purpose

It is not commerce

 

Desperate to be touched

The embrace of hope and peace

The sun’s countenance

Loss of Faith

The world in shadow

The falling rain is poison

Look, there is nothing

 

Fertilize with pain

Gardeners with their shovels

Dig beneath gray skies

 

Nothing to choose from

The cultivation of thorns

A heart piercing loss

 

Is there purpose here

Death of honesty, and grace

Smothered with deceit

 

All our plans falter

The truth has no recourse, act

Hollow devotion

 

Ill reminders serve

The dead, always questioning

Why me, why sorrow

 

Only the living

Are lonely in a garden

Death has the other

 

The world in shadow

The falling rain is poison

Reach, there is nothing